Dyspraxia Awarness

Three weeks ago, I was diagnosed with dyspraxia. If you’re reading this and you think ‘What the hell is Dyspraxia?’ You are not alone. I had no clue what that was or why I had it? All I knew was that it meant I was eligible for ‘Disability Allowance’ at University and that it’s similar to dyslexia but it’s not dyslexia. The only reason I had a diagnosis of Dyspraxia because I was at a Dyslexia screening. But since I plucked up the courage to tell friends/employers/family, a lot of people didn’t know and the only comment which was made was ‘oh isn’t that clumsy boy syndrome?’.

At first, I felt extremely sad when I found out; I always felt a bit different and a bit ‘slow’ compared to everyone else and to finally have an explanation why… it just made me feel low to figure it out. And then I felt really angry. How did I manage to go through my GCSE, A - LEVELS and Two Years of University without anyone knowing? HOW?! I felt like the school system had let me down. I mean I didn’t even know what dyspraxia was (which is sad because it actually 5-10% of the population have it) so of course, I decided to google it…

Googles definition of dyspraxia is: ‘a developmental disorder of the brain in childhood causing difficulty in activities requiring coordination and movement.’ Which, for me needed a further explanation so I decided to explore more.

What I gathered, is that the signals which are sent out from my brain to my body gets muddled up which effects my organisation skills, motor and gross skills, social skills, sense of direction and thought process. Sadly, my brain works x10 harder compared to the general population to do the simplest of tasks. And the myth that you ‘just grow out’ of dyspraxia is utter bollocks.

Before I found out I was dyspraxic, I honestly did not understand why I wasn’t able to cook, or why I struggled to construct sentences or why I just randomly tripped or why I can’t control the volume of my voice. I guess I was just labelled as odd and quirky which was something that people could be able to laugh at, instead of realising that it was actually a serious problem. In all honesty, I still feel inadequate compared to other people.

Bad attempted of shortbread I tried to make...

It was painful finding out, looking back at every situation where dyspraxia explained the unexplainable events and reframing the past 20 years of my life and understanding why when I was a kid I couldn’t do my shoe laces or why people would ask me to explain what I meant. OR WHY I COULD NEVER TELL MY LEFTS FROM MY RIGHT, OR WHY MY LISTENING SKILLS ARE AWFUL.

It turned out a lot of my weakness and things which I was ashamed off was because of a learning difficulty that I did not even know I have. Which before my diagnosis I had never even heard off but yet it’s affected my whole life. It affected my self-confidence, my relationship with my parents and my friendships.

Sadly, I faced discrimination majority of everyday and for years I didn't even realise until the other day when I was talking to my friend quite loudly and I lost my balance (which is really normal for me anyway) but then a woman in a shop got annoyed at me and accused me of being drunk (I did not touch a drop of alcohol that day) and I apologised and I actually said that I was dyspraxic and It was an accident.

Do you want to know her reply was?

‘ t h a t  I s  n o t  a n  e x c u s e ,  my cousin has dyspraxia and he isn’t loud, you're just drunk’

No two people with dyspraxia are the same, just as depression it affects people different and it doesn’t define people who they are.

I managed to get a 2:1 last year overall without any extra help; just hard work and determination, I work in care where I have to use my fine and gross motor skills all the time. People with dyspraxia struggle more but there are some positives to it! Before my diagnosis everyone would say how insane my long-term memory was and now I know why.

So in conclusion to my rant, dyspraxia is something biological which you cannot change. We struggle, but with determination and the right strategies be able to do ok. We just need a bit more time and recognition because simple things don’t come easier to us… And schools should do more to raise awareness.

Is there any weakness in your life which you were ashamed off and what do you do to try and overcome them? Do you know anyone with Dyspraxia? xox

Sex & Society: Should Women Really ‘Just Cover up’?

‘What about boys? I don’t want them getting any idea’s!’

When my dad first saw me at eighteen with a short dress on with heels on before going out he explode; Just as many other dads’ would. But you see this was one of the first times his daughter wore anything revealing and instantly my dad panicked.  I make my dad sound like he’s controlling but honestly he’s not. He reacted like any other parent would.

 Society says that ‘girls should cover up otherwise they’re asking for it’. I hope that when you read that (whatever gender you may be) you feel extremely angry by it, it may be an outdated view but yet it still dominants the way people treat and speak about girls.

My fashion sense has changed drastically since I started uni, to now going in to my third year of uni. *Yikes*

‘Do you not have any casual skirts Hannah?’ In first year my housemate (who was also called Hannah coincidentally!)  was helping me decide what to wear before going out for some fresher event at the SU. In my head I automatically thought ‘Skirts? SKIRTS? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?’. She looked at me bleak.  I generally replied to her saying ‘That I didn’t wear skirts because boys would whistle and I hated my legs’.

I look back at that and I think that’s absurd, how did I let the opinion of others control me so much? For anyone who knows me now, I love wearing skirts! I usually wear them more winter time than I do summer time. I don’t know why I adore the look of black think tights a skirt and a jumper but I do! It may be because that’s when it all started.

Living in the city taught me a lot about self-acceptance; Because honestly no-one gave a damn what I wore. No-one certainly didn’t give me a negative opinion about what I wore, if anything I found, other girls empowered each other and boys were somewhat more respective.

But when I came home, I realised the difference.

I wore my skirt one evening, (even my dad said I looked pretty, aww). By guys I was called a tease, a slut and made jokes about me bending over and so on. Other girls varied in their opinions and there were some childish remarks but once again looking back I realise how silly it was to let other people’s comments affect the way I felt about myself.

Remember these? 

Can you remember the time where everyone was wearing a bralette ? I mean L I T E R A L L Y  A L M O S T EVERY GIRL POSSIBLE? I honestly think this craze started when I was roughly 12/13. And hand on heart I can honestly say I never personally bought one because I never felt that I had the ‘right body’ too. Social media definitely had an effect on the way I saw myself. Negative post about body images tend to lurk around the internet and for a 13 year-old to see that ‘if you’re a size 12 you should stay away from crop tops’.

Today’s society, a lot of girls will stand up and have now taken ‘screw you photo’s’ and rocked them so hard. But back then, it wasn’t the case. 

Like Literally

I’ve always had big boobs ever since I was 12 but I always felt the need to cover them up, I mean I don’t want to be a tease, right? Once at work. Some guy who was hammered tried to grab my boob just because he thought ‘they were lovely’ and ‘wanted a squeeze’.  A part of me wanted to vomit inside and do you know what the most sickening thing was? It was when other boys and girls turned around and said ‘Well you shouldn’t have worn a low top, it’s basically asking for it!’ (How ridiculous.)

A few years ago, that comment would have made me feel like it was MY fault. But it was HIS actions, not mine. It was his issue. And my clothes or my body had no control of his actions. Wearing a vest top in work is not asking for a random drunk old guy to try and squeeze your boobs (like spew).

And that’s when I learnt, People shouldn’t control what you wear or how you feel about yourself. If you want to wear a skirt or a crop top or a burqa. It really does not matter.

That’s why I was super excited when I purchased 'Alia' Ribbed Choker Crop Top’ in Black  from Boutique of Molly .

Size: 12

£19.95

 I love the choker and I adore the ‘off the shoulder look’ and it’s extremely comfortable. When I wore it out Saturday, I had several comments about how ‘gorgeous’ this top is which was an added bonus. ( P.S. If purchase anything from BOM, If you use the code: HANN20  you will get 20% off. *Wink* *Wink*)

And it’s crazy to think a few years ago, I would have never purchased it because I would worry what other people thought? So who cares if belly isn’t flat? If my boobs are ‘too big?’ if my legs are ‘too short?’. It’s my body and I will dress it the way I want too, not the way that someone else tells you too. 

Dealing With A Break Up? 💔 What Not To Do...

‘Am I an idiot who picks big giant losers? I thought he/she was different’. 

  In a time of your life (if you haven’t already) you will go through a break up. Especially now after results day a lot of relationships tend to crumble! Whether it’s with your friend or a partner it will one day happen. I won’t lie, it’s painful. And in all honesty; no matter how many times you go through it. It doesn’t get better but you do develop a tougher skin for it.

My first break up with a boyfriend happened when I was sixteen. I’d been with him since I was fourteen and loosing someone after spending two years with them was difficult and There were so many mixed emotions.

Looking back at the whole situation, I cringe a lot.  As I got older I realise how silly the whole thing was. But at the time I was hurting and did somethings… which were embarrassing. Some of these things have been done to me and even though it appears I’m aiming my post at younger girls. I’m really not. It shocks me that I see 30 year old's on my Facebook doing the same things I was when I was 16 and in my head; I mentally slap them. But we all do stupid things when we are hurting.

So further ado, here are some hints and tips that I recommend that you do not do: 

T I P  O N E: D O N ‘ T  D E L E T E  P H O T O ‘ S

Look at the fringes! 

You may think ‘WHAT?’. All you may feel is that you want to have a social cleanse of them out of your life. Even if this is the case now. This person (may it have only been a month or three years) was at one time important to you. No matter what they have done to you, you do share good memorise with them as well as bad. Trust me, the way I looked at fourteen was horrendous but I do wish I could look back at myself and be like ‘Aww look at 14-year-old me, so in love so silly’ and chuckle to myself. But at last, I never kept photos and deleted them.

 
T I P  T W O: D O N ‘T  T W E E T  S T U F F

I was feisty

When my time hop notification pops up on my phone I automatically cringe. I see arguments, I see those ‘heartbroken’ statuses that I did. I just want to hide in embarrassment that I actually felt the need to share my problems with social media. Especially at the time, I had over 1,000 followers reading arguments and people at school probably reading them and laughing at me. Something so private shouldn’t have been so public.

T I P  T H R E E: D O N ‘ T  S P A M

I just go to know

I can admit that I have done this and it has been done to me several times and it’s borderline stalking. Your so confused why this person that you cared about could actually walk out of your life and not care how you feel. All you want to do is talk and get some answers but god damn it they are not answering your messages! And right now you don’t care if they are in work or are busy.. You need to know! Don’t do this. You are wasting your time, Majority of the time people just leave without explaining things but you will honestly realise it’s for the better.

T I P  F O U R: D E L E T E  N U M B E R

Click it.

One of the worst things you can do at 3 am is call them up drunk and shouting/crying down the phone telling them you love them but you hate them. You end up waking up in the morning with this churning feeling in your stomach and praying to God that you did not just do that (But oh you did). You’ll end up just putting your head in to your pillow out of frustration and you also let your ex know that they still have power over you.

T I P  F I V E : D O N ‘ T  F A C E B O O K  S H I T

*Cringe*

One of the most cringiest and embarrassing things I have done is writing status in 2011 saying how shit I felt and with people commenting ‘are u k bbe?’ and my replies are there like ‘no :/ :/ :/’. I just want to slap myself profusely. Not only did I open up my problems to 2,000 facebook friends (Including, my ex partner’s family and my family) also future employers will one day see it. And let’s just say, some status made me seem rather mentally unstable and it also opened up arguments with my ex’s so the whole facebook world could read them/laugh at them and judge them.

T I P  S I X : P U T  T H A T  C O L O U R  B O T T L E    D O W N

So many colours

Me and my friend we’re discussing this the other day... No matter how old you get, you will do something crazy with your appearance just to change something about yourself. I can’t get over how many hair colours I have previously gone to ‘reinvent myself’ or piercings. Then in the long run, I spend a lot of money trying to get back my natural hair colour. My advice, just buy some new outfits!

T I P  S E V E N : D O N ' T E X P E C T  I T  T O  'J U S T'  H A P P E N

I agree that getting over a loss over a relationship whether it’s a friendship or a relationship. Time does heal all wounds. But you’ve got to put work in too. Spend time with family and friends. Make that extra effort with people. The worst thing you can do is sit around moaning 24/7 and not doing anything about it. It doesn’t just ‘go away’. 

69 Pointless Facts About Me ❤️

Some of you may know me, but there’s an 85% chance that you don’t. So why not get to know me? Or if you think that you know me, why not find out more about me?
And just in case you wonder, yes I choose 69 on purpose.
Yes, I am mature...
Right Then, Let’s Begin…

1. I’m from Wales but I live in Bristol due to University - I absolutely adore it there!
2. I am obsessed with Lasagne; I could happily live off it all day
3. I want to travel the world so badly and I am desperate to go to India
4. I have two springer spaniels called Casper and Charlie, they are my world
5. I am quite an open minded person 
6. Biffy Clyro is the best band in the whole wild world
7. When I was 12 I use to have an obsession with the band 'Simple Plan' and when I was younger I tried to get them to tweet me which failed however last year, without even trying Sebastian who is the lead guitarist tweeted me 
8. I love to read but then uni stole that away from me
9. My ultimate goal in life is to experience everything I can and take every opportunity to do it.
10. I do not function well in the morning – Like I Dare you to try and speak too me 
11. I love the beach; I could stay in the sea all day but I rarely ever go
12. In 2014 I caught Katy Perry's guitar pick 
13. I find Pretty Little Liars very addictive and I can spend hours looking at PPL crazy theories – Mary Drake, who are you?
14. My favourite colour is green 
15. I absolutely love horror films but I barely go to the cinemas to see them so 9/10 they don't scare me; except the witch. That was one fucked up film and I jumped profusely
16. I spend A LOT of my money on McDonalds 
17. I'm too lazy to keep up with my appearance majority of the time but I like to pretend that I do
18. When I was in year 6 I gave a presentation about a show called Charmed. When I was explaining how I started watching it, My teacher was almost crying with laughter when I said "Well me and my brother were having a battle over the sky remote" 
19. I am not an interesting person 
20. Game of thrones is so good, I haven't read the books because I don't want to taint the TV show. Also Cersei is my favourite character on there which tends to be an unpopular opinion (sorry, please don't shoot me!) But I’m still currently catching up on episodes
21. When I'm older, I want to become a counsellor however when I say this to people I get "Well that's depressing" 
22. I find other cultures very interesting and I have spent hours before googling stuff about them
23. I entered a sociology degree not doing the subject before - However I am so glad I did because I love it and I learn some pretty weird thing
24. I don't believe in horoscopes but I do spend a lot of time reading them and what type of person that I am, not so much the predictions
25. I really want to travel to America and Thailand
26. I previously worked in ‘Bristol Airport’ and seeing people go on holidays every day was the hardest part of my job
27. I love ice cream; I could eat it all day
28. I am a feminist
29. No this doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian
30. And it doesn’t mean I hate men
31. When I was 16 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety
32. I am not a coffee person
33. Yes that means I don’t like Starbucks
34. Or Costa
35. Unless I go in for hot chocolate, but dude you can’t just order a hot chocolate
36. Unless it’s Christmas time
37. I watch old Corrie story lines because I like seeing how things use to be portrayed in the media 10 years ago, such as Todd’s Gay story line
38. I started crying when I realised I was turning 20 because I’m no longer a teenager
39. I would love to do Youtube videos when I’m drunk, to see what stuff I would come out with but can you imagine the regret?
40. The other day someone asked me ‘ Who is the one person you look up too.. ?’ and I automatically replied to it saying My Dad and then I realised how much of a soppy person I actually am
41. I have a huge crush on Zac Efron
42. And Channing Tatum
43. I’ve started the Gym, but I doubt I will keep it up
44. I only went to my first ever festival this year
45. I dye my hair so much – but I’ve managed to not touch it for 6 months and this makes me extremely uncomfortable
46. Cheese Sandwich are the best Sandwiches
47. I recently purchased a Tangle Teezer – Best. Purchase. Ever.
48. Sometimes I wish my life was a Musical, you KNOW you’d get a happy ending and You’d constantly look great even if you were crying you’re eyes out and looking fabulous and constantly dancing
49. I re-watched Sabrina the Teenage Witch – it was A LOT better now than when I was a kid... at least I understood the jokes and what mitosis is
50. Chocolate is my weakness, If I am mad at you. It is the best possible cure... Especially good old Terrys
51. I’m 5ft 1 and I’m OK with that
52. I have Extensions in – I’m ok with that
53. I will one day own a Pug
54. Absolutely hate it when I get ignored after I asked someone a Question, like it’s my pet hate
55. I am a big clutzzz
56. I would love to be able to write a script for a TV show and then become extremely successful from it but I’m too lazy and I have no script writing experience
57. When I was younger, I had an imaginary friend which I called ‘Auntie Ova’ who apparently lived in my attic, it used to scare my Dad when I sat there in my room talking to no-one for hours as He thought I was talking to A Ghost.
58. I am not afraid of change, I enjoy it.
59. If I could have any power, it would be to freeze time
60. I love chicken
61. Yesterday, I lost my ‘Five’ Guys Virginity and I was so excited when I found out I could have as much vanilla coke as I wanted!!!
62. If I have Chinese or Thai food Then 99% of the time I will order spring rolls and duck
63. I have watched every episode of How I Met Your Mother at least four times in a row
64. I cannot sleep without having TV on in the Background otherwise I get horrendous nightmares
65. I have never been bought flowers from a guy, other than my Dad
66. I have also never been on a Spa Weekend (seriously where are my lady friends at and when will we do this shit?!)
67. I accidentally put soap on my toothbrush, instead of toothpaste and the worst thing is it happened three times in a row
68. I am obsessed with Made In Chelsea, there is something about watching that trashy TV which is relaxing... it’s an interesting form of escapism
69. I’ve had my nose pierced twice but each time someone has caused it to fall out and then by the time I notice or found my piercing has closed up 

I listened to the internet about HOW I should look and Here is what happened..

If any of you know me or follow me on Twitter then you are well aware that I hate being girly and one thing which I am incredibly bad at doing is putting on make-up and being in fashion. It’s not that I find anything wrong with being all girly is just that I majorly suck at it. You see, my mum was not particularly interested in make-up or clothes and I guess that rubbed on to me. However, since coming to uni and constantly being around pretty girls and having best friends which are MUA artist and I can barely just put eyeshadow on, it got me thinking how would I fit in according to the internet?

My Face Shape:

The first thing I needed to do was find out my face shape. Now I personally found it difficult to just look at a picture and think ‘oo that’s my face shape’ (even though I tried). In the end I googled ‘How to find out your face shape’ So I clicked on videos and I found out using this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MOSyD1iHz4 ) That I was a heart shape face... So what did that exactly mean? Well it turns out finding out your face shape helps determine which hairstyle suits you, how to contour your face (where to highlight and darken) and also what shape eyebrows are meant to go with your face.. What a delight.

Hairstyles included:-

o   Long Bangs to draw focus away from the chin

o   ‘The Lob’ – which should help soften the jawline

o   Deep Side Part – I’m not 100% sure why but google told me so..  And there were so many many more!

Contouring Chart:-

So as you can see for me, I would have to put the shadow around the edges of my face and highlight my chin and forehead and then blend it for the best result for my face shape.

Eyebrow Chart:

Looking at this particular chart for my eyebrows, they look like semi circles to me! So I’ll be drawing my semi circles on my heart shaped face! Jeez and to think I found all this out just by finding out my face shape! Now let’s take a look on what I have to learn and do for my eyes!

My Eye Shape:

According to vogue magazine, the way in which your eye is shaped should control the way you do your eye makeup. Now when I googled images on eye shapes I literally could not tell the difference between them all.

So youtube, (you little star) was my next bet and there were tons of videos on how to find out your eye shape but even then I got confused – so in the end I asked a friend too look and tell me what shape eye was I? Turns out I have a ‘deep set’ eyes

...

GREAT... UH SO What does that mean precisely? So after watching loads of videos (and I mean loads) I basically learnt a couple of eye makeup tips:-

1)      I need to conceal those dark circles under my eyes!

2)      Then I need to apply the lightest shade all over my eyelids – it makes my eyes look brighter and also covers the ‘deepness’ of my eyes!

3)    This one is apparently the most important – put the medium shade colour inside the corner of the eye – this draws attention to my eye colour and not how deep they are!

4)      And then on the outside corners apply a dark colour.

5)      Oh if my eyebrows aren’t on my ‘A’ game then doing my eye makeup is pointless- thank god I found out how to do this along with my face shape – crisis averted

6)      Eyeliner – apparently overloading my eyes with it will make them look small, so the best thing to do is apply a thin amount and then slightly thicken on the outer corner and to also apply it on the waterline to make it really pop!

7)      Never ever ever ever darken the crease

8)      Draw attention somewhere else – such as your lips!

9)      False eyelashes are basically essential to carrying on with the day – unless if you’re unlike me and have naturally long eyelashes which putting mascara on them makes them look amazing!

10)   Lastly, apply light bright colours.

So here’s a picture of my face with my fatal attempt of styling my hair, eyebrows and contouring for a heart shaped face and also an attemption of the right makeup according to the ‘experts’:

Contour: Collection 

Hair: flicking in towards my hair 'not to emphasis my jawline'

Eyes: Thin Eyeliner, Mascara and Light Eyeshadow - Red lips to draw attention away from eyes

My Body Shape:

So the next and last thing I could be bothered to learn was about my body shape. So using the body shape calculator, I learned that I was a ‘pear’ shaped girl which means that my hips are bigger than my bust.

 So, being the amazing researcher I am..Once again I found out how I am supposed to dress according to my shape. According to ‘Shopyoutshape’ I should try and create the illusion that I have a bigger (upper waist) and to make it look like I have a smaller..bottom half shall I say? That way I can balance my body out to fit the ‘perfect body’ stereotype.

Top tips for how Pear shaped women should dress include:-

•   Wear tops with fitted wasted
•   Bright colours and Bold Pattern tops
•   Dark colours on bottoms
•   Avoid bold trousers or skirts – stick to plane
•   V or U neck tops
•   Straight Jeans or A-Line Skirts
•   Off the shoulder tops

And then here is my attempt-ion of me conforming to the internet’s advice: 

So here:bright colour top which is tight in waist and off the shoulder and a dark skirt. 

I really hope this has helped any girl to find the best way for you.