6 Signs To Spot A Cheater

Here’s a fun fact about me: In every relationship I have ever been in; I have been cheated on.

Previously, I would have been embarrassed and ashamed to even admit it but now I embrace it. Which probably sounds strange, but certain experiences teach you about life or at least relationships. It infuriates me on Facebook when I see ‘cheating is the worst thing you could do to someone’ because in all honesty it is not.

Everyone has a different definition on what cheating is: some may feel that looking at another woman/man are cheating, some may say flirting is cheating and others would say when something physical happens is cheating.

What I’m talking about; What I’ve experienced was the physical side when my ex boyfriends would talk to a girl and meet and have sex with her, then would come back to me and look me in the eyes and tell me they love me. So more of full blown affair than just someone kissing someone else on the dance floor.

You may feel sorry for me, you may not. Either way, how you feel about the situation doesn’t change the fact that it happened. Truth be told, it’s made me stronger and if any of you have been cheated on then I hope this post gives you some sort of comfort.

Now, I’ve probably reacted in every way possible when I’ve found out I’ve been cheated on. I’ve cried, screamed, blamed myself or acted like I didn’t care. They’re pretty standard reactions and now looking back they we’re needed for me to realises what I realise now, but I hope it isn’t the case for everyone.

For me, I need to know WHY they did what they done. 99% of the time I blamed myself and 100% of the time they gave me lame excuses why they done what they it. You see the fact that it kept reoccurring made me think that there was something wrong with me whether I was ‘too clingy’ or ‘too annoying’ some even said it was the fact that I was ‘emotionally distant’ and every time they made a comment about WHY they cheated on me I tried to modify my behaviour to be ‘a better girlfriend’.

But here’s my top tip advice: If someone is going to cheat on you, it’s innate for them to do so. They will do it regardless no matter what you do. You cannot change a person. You cannot control a person. You cannot change the outcome. It’s their issue, not yours. It’s their fault. You do not force a person to do so even if they have blamed you. If they are unhappy they can leave.

Reading this, you may be thinking: ‘WOW this girl has a serious grudge with her ex’s’. Sorry to disappoint you, but no I don’t. Even though it was a horrible thing for them to do at the time, I Now am grateful and even on good terms with some of them now!

As cringe as it sounds, it’s helped me grow as a person. Being put in this position, I wouldn’t do it to someone else because I know it hurts but I also know what I wouldn’t take either. It’s made me stronger.

Each boyfriend that I had, I thought they we’re all different to each other; some even polar opposites. If you lined them up they’re physical attractiveness varies a lot. Actually the only thing that’s consistent is that they all have blue eyes (#blueeyepeoplehavenomorals – I’m kidding, my eyes are blue) but looking back I realise that they had some similarities in their behaviour. And now I want to share with you those similarities:

(P.S. Please take note that this is MY Experience and it may not be the case with your partner and do not take things so heavily and let this effect you in anyway. If you feel that your partner is cheating on you – feel free to email but do talk about your concerns to them and close friends Do not take it too seriously.)

N U M B E R  O N E: S E C R E T I V E

This may sound like an obvious one but yet it often gets ignored. My first ex was so secretive about what he was doing. As far as I was concerned he was in his bedroom playing on the PS3 which was probably true, but this was just an assumption that I made. There would be times where he wouldn’t reply for 4/5 hours because ‘he was really in to a game’. For me to then find out a few weeks later he was with a ‘girl who’s a friend’. To then later find out something had happened; being vague in what they are doing is a red flag.

N U M B E R  T W O: Y O U  F E E L  L I K E  A  S E C R E T

If you have feel that your partner is ashamed of you because you haven’t met their friends or family. I would take that as a red flag all depending on your age. If your 17 or under, I wouldn’t worry so much about this one. But if you are older, then this shows that he/she isn’t serious about you. If they don’t feel proud to show you off and if you’ve told them how you felt about the situation and they don’t say/do anything to make you feel better or to even show that they care about how you feel, then trust me there isn’t much hope.

N U M B E R  T H R E E: F A L S E  P R O M I S E S

I found that most of my ex boyfriends would tell me what they thought I wanted to hear but would have no intention to actually carry it out. Promises such as ‘I’ll buy you that top for your birthday’ or ‘I’ll see you after my holiday and we can go for a spa weekend.’ When you know they say things they will never go through with; it shows a lack of care when people do this constantly.

N U M B E R  F O U R: P H O N E

I mean, when you saw the title of this post you must know it would be on here, right? This is quite a tricky one because I am a private person and I hate the idea of anyone using or even looking at my phone because of the things I’ve got on there. However, when I would be with my ex’s I noticed they would take their phone to the toilets a lot. (I mean how risky would it be if you replied to girl number 2 whilst being in the same room as your girlfriend?). Another thing is, I would happily scroll through Facebook or twitter in front of them – but they couldn’t do the same (HOW EVEN RISKIER WOULD IT BE IF GIRL No 2 POPPED UP WHILST ‘The GIRLFRIEND WAS LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE?). There is privacy and then there’s being overly cautious.

N U M B E R  F I V E: T H E  E X

If they have previously cheated on past relationships before, they will cheat again. Leopards do not change their spots. They’ve had the mind set to do it before. They will do it again. They will probably try and convince you that their ex was boring and that they don’t have the 'same chemistry as you' guys. This is bullshit. Also, if they are still in contact with their ex’s this is another big sign. Even though I’m at the stage where if I see one of my ex’s whilst out I’d have a 2 minitue conversation with them, this certainly does not mean I would text them every day and ‘meet up for coffee with them’. Ex’s are your past, if they are still in your partners present – if they are still speaking, there’s no need for it. It’s abnormal.

N U M B E R  S I X: F O L L O W  Y O U R  I N S T I N C T S

I was so worried that being cheated on before made me more paranoid than what I was. I didn’t trust that gut feeling I had when something wasn’t quite right. It’s difficult to explain this but for some unknown reason you don’t trust what your partner is saying to you. Trust your instincts. They do not let you down, no matter how insecure you may feel. If something doesn’t add up. Question it.

Dealing With A Break Up? 💔 What Not To Do...

‘Am I an idiot who picks big giant losers? I thought he/she was different’. 

  In a time of your life (if you haven’t already) you will go through a break up. Especially now after results day a lot of relationships tend to crumble! Whether it’s with your friend or a partner it will one day happen. I won’t lie, it’s painful. And in all honesty; no matter how many times you go through it. It doesn’t get better but you do develop a tougher skin for it.

My first break up with a boyfriend happened when I was sixteen. I’d been with him since I was fourteen and loosing someone after spending two years with them was difficult and There were so many mixed emotions.

Looking back at the whole situation, I cringe a lot.  As I got older I realise how silly the whole thing was. But at the time I was hurting and did somethings… which were embarrassing. Some of these things have been done to me and even though it appears I’m aiming my post at younger girls. I’m really not. It shocks me that I see 30 year old's on my Facebook doing the same things I was when I was 16 and in my head; I mentally slap them. But we all do stupid things when we are hurting.

So further ado, here are some hints and tips that I recommend that you do not do: 

T I P  O N E: D O N ‘ T  D E L E T E  P H O T O ‘ S

Look at the fringes! 

You may think ‘WHAT?’. All you may feel is that you want to have a social cleanse of them out of your life. Even if this is the case now. This person (may it have only been a month or three years) was at one time important to you. No matter what they have done to you, you do share good memorise with them as well as bad. Trust me, the way I looked at fourteen was horrendous but I do wish I could look back at myself and be like ‘Aww look at 14-year-old me, so in love so silly’ and chuckle to myself. But at last, I never kept photos and deleted them.

 
T I P  T W O: D O N ‘T  T W E E T  S T U F F

I was feisty

When my time hop notification pops up on my phone I automatically cringe. I see arguments, I see those ‘heartbroken’ statuses that I did. I just want to hide in embarrassment that I actually felt the need to share my problems with social media. Especially at the time, I had over 1,000 followers reading arguments and people at school probably reading them and laughing at me. Something so private shouldn’t have been so public.

T I P  T H R E E: D O N ‘ T  S P A M

I just go to know

I can admit that I have done this and it has been done to me several times and it’s borderline stalking. Your so confused why this person that you cared about could actually walk out of your life and not care how you feel. All you want to do is talk and get some answers but god damn it they are not answering your messages! And right now you don’t care if they are in work or are busy.. You need to know! Don’t do this. You are wasting your time, Majority of the time people just leave without explaining things but you will honestly realise it’s for the better.

T I P  F O U R: D E L E T E  N U M B E R

Click it.

One of the worst things you can do at 3 am is call them up drunk and shouting/crying down the phone telling them you love them but you hate them. You end up waking up in the morning with this churning feeling in your stomach and praying to God that you did not just do that (But oh you did). You’ll end up just putting your head in to your pillow out of frustration and you also let your ex know that they still have power over you.

T I P  F I V E : D O N ‘ T  F A C E B O O K  S H I T

*Cringe*

One of the most cringiest and embarrassing things I have done is writing status in 2011 saying how shit I felt and with people commenting ‘are u k bbe?’ and my replies are there like ‘no :/ :/ :/’. I just want to slap myself profusely. Not only did I open up my problems to 2,000 facebook friends (Including, my ex partner’s family and my family) also future employers will one day see it. And let’s just say, some status made me seem rather mentally unstable and it also opened up arguments with my ex’s so the whole facebook world could read them/laugh at them and judge them.

T I P  S I X : P U T  T H A T  C O L O U R  B O T T L E    D O W N

So many colours

Me and my friend we’re discussing this the other day... No matter how old you get, you will do something crazy with your appearance just to change something about yourself. I can’t get over how many hair colours I have previously gone to ‘reinvent myself’ or piercings. Then in the long run, I spend a lot of money trying to get back my natural hair colour. My advice, just buy some new outfits!

T I P  S E V E N : D O N ' T E X P E C T  I T  T O  'J U S T'  H A P P E N

I agree that getting over a loss over a relationship whether it’s a friendship or a relationship. Time does heal all wounds. But you’ve got to put work in too. Spend time with family and friends. Make that extra effort with people. The worst thing you can do is sit around moaning 24/7 and not doing anything about it. It doesn’t just ‘go away’.