7 REMINDERS THAT GRADUATES MIGHT NEED RIGHT NOW

Remember being a fresher and everything was so new and exciting, like seriously. I remember getting excited to attend my first lecture, attend my first fresher's night and meet loads of new people. When third years told me to enjoy it, I rolled my eyes and shrugged a little bit. Enjoy what? 'Doesn’t life last like this forever?' No it does not. 

A few months after graduating from my degree. I feel slightly bitter towards students. Like can I have your liver please because my slightly older body can’t have a sip of alcohol without needed to take the day off work the next day. 

But besides me being bitter about the lack of alcohol I can now intake since being a graduate.  I’m bitter about feeling so naïve about university life. It was put in my head that you attend university and you get a good job and you learn real life experiences. Sadly, you do not. My psychology with sociology degree feels useless. Even though my job has something to do with my degree, I did not need my degree to get it. Degrees mean nothing in the world of work. Its half expected nowadays. Most employees just like you to have a degree, it doesn’t matter what grade you got or even what it’s in. 
Life has suddenly flashed before my eyes. I’m now in my twenties, living on my own in a city that none of my family are in. Half of my friends are unemployed feeling like waste of space (even though they are not) and half of my other friends seem to have it all figured out and me, well I feel lost. Yup, being a graduate totally sucks for most people. This is what is known as graduate blues. The advice I usually get is that ‘Being in your 20’s is hard but just plow through’. I now know that most of my friends are feeling the same way and this period of our time is just graduate bluesness. So here are some friendly reminders for anyone who is feeling low:

1. We are ALL making it up as we go along!   

It’s ok to not know what the hell you are doing. Making up small achievable goals will keep you on track.

 2. Being broke is totally a part of it and it’s ok to be.

I mean, unless you come from a rich family who will pay for everything... yeah scrimping and saving is totally apart of it. Yup, start saving for the rest of your life!

3. You are NEVER alone.

I know that I have lost touch with several of my friends and on time I feel like the whole world is against me. But trust me, you aren’t alone. Your friends still care about you as do your family. You have more people out there than you think.

4. You have plenty of time.

So what if you are not doing a job in your subject area? So what if you can’t choose what masters you want to do right now? So what if you’re not travelling around the earth taking awesome filtered instagramable pictures eh?  SO WHAT IF YOU DON’T KNOW. You have plenty of time to decide what you want to do

5. Your body is not Eighteen anymore.

Gone are the days where you can drink 20 shots, 10 double voddies and coke, 17 pints and still be able to wake up in the morning and attend you’re 9 am lecture without feeling a thing. Nope, it’s ok to be in bed by 10 am and not feel boring. It’s ok to pace yourself. IT’S OK TO BE A LIGHTWEIGHT and it’s ok to want to start taking better care of your body. Plus going to the gym can be used as a hobby to distract you anyway.

6. It’s ok not to be ok.

Yup, you can spend the day crying your eyes out in your pj’s . It’s ok to do that; If you don’t fall in to the trap of self-pitying for too long.

7. When one door closes another one opens!

Such a cliché eh? But it’s true. There are new and exciting opportunities right now and they will find you.  

So It's Ok For a Man To Cheat?

For those who follow me on twitter, you would have recently seen a tweet about me asking if it was totally acceptable or not to do a rant post about an image on Facebook that I had recently seen. I wasn’t expecting a response in all honesty, I was just angry and wanted to vented it out but when other bloggers was like ‘hey, it’s your blog why the hell not?’ it got me thinking ‘Yeah, let’s rant this shit out.’

 

Just before I get started, I want to make it clear that I am aware that most men do not think this and most likely a lot of them where messing around (I hope), well I know the guys who I surround myself with wouldn’t think it and I like to think that the girls who are around me wouldn’t like to think it either.

So now that’s out of the way, I saw this photo on my Facebook newsfeed and if you are any women I would like to think your first reaction was ‘EW DISGUSTING’ or ‘Wtf?’ because quite frankly, that sucks to read. And let’s face it, if there was a photo going around Facebook saying ‘If he finds out u got a side guy a real man would lay his head at your feet & apologise for not being all the man you need!’ would be absolutely ridiculous! The comments would be filled with ‘No she’s a whore’ or slut or even death threats about the women.  

And even though the photo was disgusting, what was worse was the comments. I try and pride myself on empowering other women and what really sucked reading the comments was seeing OTHER WOMEN TEARING OTHER WOMEN DOWN.

What madness is that? Like how? WHY?  I don’t understand why girls need to sit there on their phones or their computer screens and tear down other females about their decision or their appearance PUBLICLY. I mean, hand on heart. When your ex gets with someone else I’m sure you and your best friend have probably made comments to each other privately? 

But would you really do this on a Facebook post when over a million people can read it and just think ‘what a tw*t’ (excuse my language). So there are just four  main points that I really want to rant about… 

O N E: ‘A Real Women would bow down and apologise for not being ALL Women for him’

 

 As a Women who has been cheated on, you do start to have this belief in your head and doubt that you wasn’t good enough. That is definitely not the case, if your partner has a problem or isn’t happy then (excuse my terminology here) but a ‘REAL’ man would want to fix the issue and talk about it or break up. The person who cheats is responsible for their physical actions. Do Not SHIFT blame to make yourself feel better. The fact that both men and women thought this was OK to agree with actually was shocking. If role were reversed I doubt if you were a guy you'd be thinking that. And for a female if this had happened to you, how can you just think that's acceptable to say when you would be believing it too?

T W O : ‘A Real Women would just chuck his ass and if not she’s weak’:

 

I mean seriously? Who, hand on heart would have the strength to get back with someone once they’ve cheated on you? I mean Beyoncé did it and realised she wanted to be with Jay-Z. In all honesty, relationships are complex and only you know the answer to what you should do.  Social shaming for someone to try and make their relationship work it’s pretty unfair. You’d be surprised how many women/men take back their partner after the incident and how many say the whole thing make them feel closer in the end. Why feel the need to degrade someone if that’s what they want to do? And for guys who were comment saying that that they lost respect for a women if they did this for you... Then do not take her back, she would deserve better than you.

T H R E E: The use of the word ‘Real’

Like what? So if I don’t bow down to male or vice versa… I DON’T EXIST? I mean, what on earth is REAL anyway? Aren’t we just confirming gender bias and stereotypes by using these? Who are we to define what a ‘real’ human should act, say or feel? Who decides who is real anyway?

F O U R: Shaming the side chic

Who has spoken to a guy thinking they are single to then later on found out that they aren’t single? How hurt were you? And also my friend you were the side chic. It can easily happen. Also, the person who is cheating are the ones who are manipulating the situation whether they are saying they are unhappy or that they are single. The side chic isn’t responsible for cheating, even though I get why people put the blame on them… Unless they are a close friend, the side person also owes you know loyalty. Your partner does and if they shift the blame on them, it was their action to cheat, I highly doubt she forced him too.   

If you have made it to the end, thank you for reading my rant post and please feel free to comment your thoughts and opinions on it xo  

Dealing With A Break Up? 💔 What Not To Do...

‘Am I an idiot who picks big giant losers? I thought he/she was different’. 

  In a time of your life (if you haven’t already) you will go through a break up. Especially now after results day a lot of relationships tend to crumble! Whether it’s with your friend or a partner it will one day happen. I won’t lie, it’s painful. And in all honesty; no matter how many times you go through it. It doesn’t get better but you do develop a tougher skin for it.

My first break up with a boyfriend happened when I was sixteen. I’d been with him since I was fourteen and loosing someone after spending two years with them was difficult and There were so many mixed emotions.

Looking back at the whole situation, I cringe a lot.  As I got older I realise how silly the whole thing was. But at the time I was hurting and did somethings… which were embarrassing. Some of these things have been done to me and even though it appears I’m aiming my post at younger girls. I’m really not. It shocks me that I see 30 year old's on my Facebook doing the same things I was when I was 16 and in my head; I mentally slap them. But we all do stupid things when we are hurting.

So further ado, here are some hints and tips that I recommend that you do not do: 

T I P  O N E: D O N ‘ T  D E L E T E  P H O T O ‘ S

Look at the fringes! 

You may think ‘WHAT?’. All you may feel is that you want to have a social cleanse of them out of your life. Even if this is the case now. This person (may it have only been a month or three years) was at one time important to you. No matter what they have done to you, you do share good memorise with them as well as bad. Trust me, the way I looked at fourteen was horrendous but I do wish I could look back at myself and be like ‘Aww look at 14-year-old me, so in love so silly’ and chuckle to myself. But at last, I never kept photos and deleted them.

 
T I P  T W O: D O N ‘T  T W E E T  S T U F F

I was feisty

When my time hop notification pops up on my phone I automatically cringe. I see arguments, I see those ‘heartbroken’ statuses that I did. I just want to hide in embarrassment that I actually felt the need to share my problems with social media. Especially at the time, I had over 1,000 followers reading arguments and people at school probably reading them and laughing at me. Something so private shouldn’t have been so public.

T I P  T H R E E: D O N ‘ T  S P A M

I just go to know

I can admit that I have done this and it has been done to me several times and it’s borderline stalking. Your so confused why this person that you cared about could actually walk out of your life and not care how you feel. All you want to do is talk and get some answers but god damn it they are not answering your messages! And right now you don’t care if they are in work or are busy.. You need to know! Don’t do this. You are wasting your time, Majority of the time people just leave without explaining things but you will honestly realise it’s for the better.

T I P  F O U R: D E L E T E  N U M B E R

Click it.

One of the worst things you can do at 3 am is call them up drunk and shouting/crying down the phone telling them you love them but you hate them. You end up waking up in the morning with this churning feeling in your stomach and praying to God that you did not just do that (But oh you did). You’ll end up just putting your head in to your pillow out of frustration and you also let your ex know that they still have power over you.

T I P  F I V E : D O N ‘ T  F A C E B O O K  S H I T

*Cringe*

One of the most cringiest and embarrassing things I have done is writing status in 2011 saying how shit I felt and with people commenting ‘are u k bbe?’ and my replies are there like ‘no :/ :/ :/’. I just want to slap myself profusely. Not only did I open up my problems to 2,000 facebook friends (Including, my ex partner’s family and my family) also future employers will one day see it. And let’s just say, some status made me seem rather mentally unstable and it also opened up arguments with my ex’s so the whole facebook world could read them/laugh at them and judge them.

T I P  S I X : P U T  T H A T  C O L O U R  B O T T L E    D O W N

So many colours

Me and my friend we’re discussing this the other day... No matter how old you get, you will do something crazy with your appearance just to change something about yourself. I can’t get over how many hair colours I have previously gone to ‘reinvent myself’ or piercings. Then in the long run, I spend a lot of money trying to get back my natural hair colour. My advice, just buy some new outfits!

T I P  S E V E N : D O N ' T E X P E C T  I T  T O  'J U S T'  H A P P E N

I agree that getting over a loss over a relationship whether it’s a friendship or a relationship. Time does heal all wounds. But you’ve got to put work in too. Spend time with family and friends. Make that extra effort with people. The worst thing you can do is sit around moaning 24/7 and not doing anything about it. It doesn’t just ‘go away’.