Sex & Society: Should Women Really ‘Just Cover up’?

‘What about boys? I don’t want them getting any idea’s!’

When my dad first saw me at eighteen with a short dress on with heels on before going out he explode; Just as many other dads’ would. But you see this was one of the first times his daughter wore anything revealing and instantly my dad panicked.  I make my dad sound like he’s controlling but honestly he’s not. He reacted like any other parent would.

 Society says that ‘girls should cover up otherwise they’re asking for it’. I hope that when you read that (whatever gender you may be) you feel extremely angry by it, it may be an outdated view but yet it still dominants the way people treat and speak about girls.

My fashion sense has changed drastically since I started uni, to now going in to my third year of uni. *Yikes*

‘Do you not have any casual skirts Hannah?’ In first year my housemate (who was also called Hannah coincidentally!)  was helping me decide what to wear before going out for some fresher event at the SU. In my head I automatically thought ‘Skirts? SKIRTS? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?’. She looked at me bleak.  I generally replied to her saying ‘That I didn’t wear skirts because boys would whistle and I hated my legs’.

I look back at that and I think that’s absurd, how did I let the opinion of others control me so much? For anyone who knows me now, I love wearing skirts! I usually wear them more winter time than I do summer time. I don’t know why I adore the look of black think tights a skirt and a jumper but I do! It may be because that’s when it all started.

Living in the city taught me a lot about self-acceptance; Because honestly no-one gave a damn what I wore. No-one certainly didn’t give me a negative opinion about what I wore, if anything I found, other girls empowered each other and boys were somewhat more respective.

But when I came home, I realised the difference.

I wore my skirt one evening, (even my dad said I looked pretty, aww). By guys I was called a tease, a slut and made jokes about me bending over and so on. Other girls varied in their opinions and there were some childish remarks but once again looking back I realise how silly it was to let other people’s comments affect the way I felt about myself.

Remember these? 

Can you remember the time where everyone was wearing a bralette ? I mean L I T E R A L L Y  A L M O S T EVERY GIRL POSSIBLE? I honestly think this craze started when I was roughly 12/13. And hand on heart I can honestly say I never personally bought one because I never felt that I had the ‘right body’ too. Social media definitely had an effect on the way I saw myself. Negative post about body images tend to lurk around the internet and for a 13 year-old to see that ‘if you’re a size 12 you should stay away from crop tops’.

Today’s society, a lot of girls will stand up and have now taken ‘screw you photo’s’ and rocked them so hard. But back then, it wasn’t the case. 

Like Literally

I’ve always had big boobs ever since I was 12 but I always felt the need to cover them up, I mean I don’t want to be a tease, right? Once at work. Some guy who was hammered tried to grab my boob just because he thought ‘they were lovely’ and ‘wanted a squeeze’.  A part of me wanted to vomit inside and do you know what the most sickening thing was? It was when other boys and girls turned around and said ‘Well you shouldn’t have worn a low top, it’s basically asking for it!’ (How ridiculous.)

A few years ago, that comment would have made me feel like it was MY fault. But it was HIS actions, not mine. It was his issue. And my clothes or my body had no control of his actions. Wearing a vest top in work is not asking for a random drunk old guy to try and squeeze your boobs (like spew).

And that’s when I learnt, People shouldn’t control what you wear or how you feel about yourself. If you want to wear a skirt or a crop top or a burqa. It really does not matter.

That’s why I was super excited when I purchased 'Alia' Ribbed Choker Crop Top’ in Black  from Boutique of Molly .

Size: 12

£19.95

 I love the choker and I adore the ‘off the shoulder look’ and it’s extremely comfortable. When I wore it out Saturday, I had several comments about how ‘gorgeous’ this top is which was an added bonus. ( P.S. If purchase anything from BOM, If you use the code: HANN20  you will get 20% off. *Wink* *Wink*)

And it’s crazy to think a few years ago, I would have never purchased it because I would worry what other people thought? So who cares if belly isn’t flat? If my boobs are ‘too big?’ if my legs are ‘too short?’. It’s my body and I will dress it the way I want too, not the way that someone else tells you too. 

6 Signs To Spot A Cheater

Here’s a fun fact about me: In every relationship I have ever been in; I have been cheated on.

Previously, I would have been embarrassed and ashamed to even admit it but now I embrace it. Which probably sounds strange, but certain experiences teach you about life or at least relationships. It infuriates me on Facebook when I see ‘cheating is the worst thing you could do to someone’ because in all honesty it is not.

Everyone has a different definition on what cheating is: some may feel that looking at another woman/man are cheating, some may say flirting is cheating and others would say when something physical happens is cheating.

What I’m talking about; What I’ve experienced was the physical side when my ex boyfriends would talk to a girl and meet and have sex with her, then would come back to me and look me in the eyes and tell me they love me. So more of full blown affair than just someone kissing someone else on the dance floor.

You may feel sorry for me, you may not. Either way, how you feel about the situation doesn’t change the fact that it happened. Truth be told, it’s made me stronger and if any of you have been cheated on then I hope this post gives you some sort of comfort.

Now, I’ve probably reacted in every way possible when I’ve found out I’ve been cheated on. I’ve cried, screamed, blamed myself or acted like I didn’t care. They’re pretty standard reactions and now looking back they we’re needed for me to realises what I realise now, but I hope it isn’t the case for everyone.

For me, I need to know WHY they did what they done. 99% of the time I blamed myself and 100% of the time they gave me lame excuses why they done what they it. You see the fact that it kept reoccurring made me think that there was something wrong with me whether I was ‘too clingy’ or ‘too annoying’ some even said it was the fact that I was ‘emotionally distant’ and every time they made a comment about WHY they cheated on me I tried to modify my behaviour to be ‘a better girlfriend’.

But here’s my top tip advice: If someone is going to cheat on you, it’s innate for them to do so. They will do it regardless no matter what you do. You cannot change a person. You cannot control a person. You cannot change the outcome. It’s their issue, not yours. It’s their fault. You do not force a person to do so even if they have blamed you. If they are unhappy they can leave.

Reading this, you may be thinking: ‘WOW this girl has a serious grudge with her ex’s’. Sorry to disappoint you, but no I don’t. Even though it was a horrible thing for them to do at the time, I Now am grateful and even on good terms with some of them now!

As cringe as it sounds, it’s helped me grow as a person. Being put in this position, I wouldn’t do it to someone else because I know it hurts but I also know what I wouldn’t take either. It’s made me stronger.

Each boyfriend that I had, I thought they we’re all different to each other; some even polar opposites. If you lined them up they’re physical attractiveness varies a lot. Actually the only thing that’s consistent is that they all have blue eyes (#blueeyepeoplehavenomorals – I’m kidding, my eyes are blue) but looking back I realise that they had some similarities in their behaviour. And now I want to share with you those similarities:

(P.S. Please take note that this is MY Experience and it may not be the case with your partner and do not take things so heavily and let this effect you in anyway. If you feel that your partner is cheating on you – feel free to email but do talk about your concerns to them and close friends Do not take it too seriously.)

N U M B E R  O N E: S E C R E T I V E

This may sound like an obvious one but yet it often gets ignored. My first ex was so secretive about what he was doing. As far as I was concerned he was in his bedroom playing on the PS3 which was probably true, but this was just an assumption that I made. There would be times where he wouldn’t reply for 4/5 hours because ‘he was really in to a game’. For me to then find out a few weeks later he was with a ‘girl who’s a friend’. To then later find out something had happened; being vague in what they are doing is a red flag.

N U M B E R  T W O: Y O U  F E E L  L I K E  A  S E C R E T

If you have feel that your partner is ashamed of you because you haven’t met their friends or family. I would take that as a red flag all depending on your age. If your 17 or under, I wouldn’t worry so much about this one. But if you are older, then this shows that he/she isn’t serious about you. If they don’t feel proud to show you off and if you’ve told them how you felt about the situation and they don’t say/do anything to make you feel better or to even show that they care about how you feel, then trust me there isn’t much hope.

N U M B E R  T H R E E: F A L S E  P R O M I S E S

I found that most of my ex boyfriends would tell me what they thought I wanted to hear but would have no intention to actually carry it out. Promises such as ‘I’ll buy you that top for your birthday’ or ‘I’ll see you after my holiday and we can go for a spa weekend.’ When you know they say things they will never go through with; it shows a lack of care when people do this constantly.

N U M B E R  F O U R: P H O N E

I mean, when you saw the title of this post you must know it would be on here, right? This is quite a tricky one because I am a private person and I hate the idea of anyone using or even looking at my phone because of the things I’ve got on there. However, when I would be with my ex’s I noticed they would take their phone to the toilets a lot. (I mean how risky would it be if you replied to girl number 2 whilst being in the same room as your girlfriend?). Another thing is, I would happily scroll through Facebook or twitter in front of them – but they couldn’t do the same (HOW EVEN RISKIER WOULD IT BE IF GIRL No 2 POPPED UP WHILST ‘The GIRLFRIEND WAS LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE?). There is privacy and then there’s being overly cautious.

N U M B E R  F I V E: T H E  E X

If they have previously cheated on past relationships before, they will cheat again. Leopards do not change their spots. They’ve had the mind set to do it before. They will do it again. They will probably try and convince you that their ex was boring and that they don’t have the 'same chemistry as you' guys. This is bullshit. Also, if they are still in contact with their ex’s this is another big sign. Even though I’m at the stage where if I see one of my ex’s whilst out I’d have a 2 minitue conversation with them, this certainly does not mean I would text them every day and ‘meet up for coffee with them’. Ex’s are your past, if they are still in your partners present – if they are still speaking, there’s no need for it. It’s abnormal.

N U M B E R  S I X: F O L L O W  Y O U R  I N S T I N C T S

I was so worried that being cheated on before made me more paranoid than what I was. I didn’t trust that gut feeling I had when something wasn’t quite right. It’s difficult to explain this but for some unknown reason you don’t trust what your partner is saying to you. Trust your instincts. They do not let you down, no matter how insecure you may feel. If something doesn’t add up. Question it.

Seven Different Styles With One Top | ❤️

If you’re like me (a student who cannot afford to buy pretty things) but regardless, you have a really bad spending habit. You convince yourself that you need this new top because you don’t have any top like it and you need it for a new style/look. Well my lovelies, have I got a top for you.  I was super excited when my Kia Bardot Nude Top was delivered from Boutique of Molly; not only was the packaging super cute and pretty but the delivery timing was superb.

Not only is this top affordable it works with several different styles: -

 
S T Y L E  O N E : B O H E M I A N

I paired my top with green shorts from pull & bear and converses. The style is perfect for a summer day – the colours mix well together. However, it’s also unusual and so if you like standing out of the crowd mixing these colours work well together.

S T Y L E  T W O:  S O P H I S T I C A T E D

Wearing a black skirt always makes me feel more feminine. Nude and Black always goes so well together; add a pair of heels (mine are nude ones from New Look) and you are ready to go for a job interview! The top isn’t revealing and the off the shoulder look is a c l a s s i c  look.

S T Y L E  T H R E E: S I M P L E & S T Y L I S H

Tights and shorts are always so pretty especially when paired with my top. This style is comfortable but yet effective. You could pair it with daps or heels whatever takes your fancy! You can dress this up with accessories or dress it down!

S T Y L E  F O U R: R O C K E R  C H I C

This is one of my favourite styles; you may argue that because it’s a pink top it’s not so rockerish but I think if you wear if with sass and confidence then it works. I paired it with my shorts from boohoo and of course with a pair of my old worn out converse.

S T Y L E  F I V E: C H I C

Perfect for going on a night out in town, black high wasted skinny jeans with heels can never go wrong! (as long as you take plasters for your blisters). It’s an everyday look you could wear or you can dress it up with different accessories and do you’re make up more dramatic for a more polished look.

S T Y L E  S I X: A R T Y

How comfortable are these intricate pattern themed trousers? Not only are they comfortable but they are pretty funky. The pink tone in the top is a ‘solid’ and the trousers do all the talking. Such a perfect mix. This look reminds me going to the beach so I paired it with sandals but you really could wear this on a day to day basis.

S T Y L E S E V EN: R O M A N T I C

I’m so glad that light blue dungarees are back. It’s super cute and the light colours mixed together make it feel so so so summery! The soft fabric of my top does give it a romantic feel (and you could totally picture me on a field, picking daises hoping for love) whilst wearing this!

So which look was your favourite? And Don’t forget to tweet me your #BOMselfies xox