Losing a long-time friend was one of the most heart-breaking thing I have ever been through – if you have ever broken up with ‘your first love’ it’s defiantly a similar process; you feel rage, guilt, sadness and longing. But looking back at that particular friendship, it was clear that letting go was the right choice. Don’t get me wrong, she did provide companionship, a shoulder to cry on (now and again) and attention but I had to learn that some friendships are toxic. Their cons just simply outweigh their pros; and sometimes you need to let go.
Nine times out of ten when you read something about toxic
relationships, they are mostly about heterosexual romantic relationships. It’s
rarely advertised or even acknowledged that a lot of unhealthy relationships can be
in friendships, and what’s harder is to know when to let go. By now most of us
at least knows the basic.
‘Don’t be with a partner who hits you’ etc etc. But one
thing that we don’t realise is that a lot of our romantic relationships develop
from friendships and if we cannot create healthy friendships then we will
struggle to create healthy relationships.
But how do we know when to let go of a friendship? It’s a
hard call. You may have known someone for a long time and may not want to give
up on someone. You may feel like you need them or that you have to many great memorise.
However, consider this: Is this a
person I would choose to have in my life if we just met today? Or have I been
holding onto this relationship out of habit?
Here are 11 signs to that it may be time to end your
friendship:
- You feel like you are being judged 24/7: you do not feel comfortable telling them things without them giving you a reaction
- You’re on different paths: People join us on our journey with similar ideals, but as we move forward, we may have learned all that was needed from this person and previous beliefs may differ
- Filled with criticism: A nonstop bombardment of criticism never helped anyone improve and grow; it's not about making things better but boosting the critic's ego.
- You're doing most of the work to maintain the friendship: Please keep in mind it takes two people to make a relationship work and if one person is not making enough effort, then stop contact and see how long it takes for them to call
- You do not feel like they support you: it’s quite simple really, you should always feel like your friends are there for you no matter what. If you do not feel like they are always there for you then tell them and if you still feel this way well...
- You feel on eggshells around them: Whatever you say or do does not feel good enough for them
- They try to control you: if you want to go out with another friend, or you want to do something else and they won’t have it – all take and no give. Anyone in any relationship should have the right to say no
- Feeling drained: If, instead of feeling happy and productive when you see them, you're always mentally, emotionally, and even physically drained, it's time to re-evaluate and well maybe let go
- Hostile atmosphere. Constant anger is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship. You should never be around hostility because it makes you feel unsafe and unloved
- Loaded with negative energy: It's basically impossible for anything positive to come out of a relationship filled with negativity and hostility and linked to this…
- Feelings of unworthiness. It's an insidious thing negative relationships do: They leave you feeling you don't deserve any better, after all ‘if you need them more than they need you’. It’s time to say bye bye
