Here’s a fun fact
about me: In every relationship I have ever been in; I have been cheated
on.
Previously, I would have been embarrassed and ashamed to even
admit it but now I embrace it. Which probably sounds strange, but certain
experiences teach you about life or at least relationships. It infuriates me on
Facebook when I see ‘cheating is the worst
thing you could do to someone’ because in all honesty it is not.
Everyone has a different definition on what cheating is:
some may feel that looking at another woman/man are cheating, some may say
flirting is cheating and others would say when something physical happens is
cheating.
What I’m talking about; What I’ve experienced was the
physical side when my ex boyfriends would talk to a girl and meet and have sex
with her, then would come back to me and look me in the eyes and tell me they
love me. So more of full blown affair than just someone kissing someone else on
the dance floor.
You may feel sorry for me, you may not. Either way, how you
feel about the situation doesn’t change the fact that it happened. Truth be
told, it’s made me stronger and if any of you have been cheated on then I hope
this post gives you some sort of comfort.
Now, I’ve probably reacted in every way possible when I’ve
found out I’ve been cheated on. I’ve cried, screamed, blamed myself or acted
like I didn’t care. They’re pretty standard reactions and now looking back they
we’re needed for me to realises what I realise now, but I hope it isn’t the
case for everyone.
For me, I need to know
WHY they did what they done. 99% of the time I blamed myself and 100% of
the time they gave me lame excuses why they done what they it. You see the fact
that it kept reoccurring made me think that there was something wrong with me
whether I was ‘too clingy’ or ‘too annoying’ some even said it was the
fact that I was ‘emotionally distant’
and every time they made a comment about WHY they cheated on me I tried to
modify my behaviour to be ‘a better girlfriend’.
But here’s my top tip
advice: If someone is going to cheat on you, it’s innate for them to do so.
They will do it regardless no matter what you do. You cannot change a person.
You cannot control a person. You cannot change the outcome. It’s their issue,
not yours. It’s their fault. You do not force a person to do so even if they
have blamed you. If they are unhappy they can leave.
Reading this, you may be thinking: ‘WOW this girl has a serious grudge with her ex’s’. Sorry to disappoint you,
but no I don’t. Even though it was a horrible thing for them to do at the time,
I Now am grateful and even on good terms with some of them now!
As cringe as it sounds, it’s helped me grow as a person.
Being put in this position, I wouldn’t do it to someone else because I know it
hurts but I also know what I wouldn’t take either. It’s made me stronger.
Each boyfriend that I had, I thought they we’re all different
to each other; some even polar opposites. If you lined them up they’re physical
attractiveness varies a lot. Actually the only thing that’s consistent is that
they all have blue eyes (#blueeyepeoplehavenomorals
– I’m kidding, my eyes are blue) but looking back I realise that they had some similarities
in their behaviour. And now I want to share with you those similarities:
(P.S. Please take note that this is MY Experience and it may not be the case with your partner and do not take things so heavily and let this effect you in anyway. If you feel that your partner is cheating on you – feel free to email but do talk about your concerns to them and close friends Do not take it too seriously.)
N U M B E R O N E: S E C R E T I V E
This may sound like an obvious one but yet it often gets
ignored. My first ex was so secretive about what he was doing. As far as I was
concerned he was in his bedroom playing on the PS3 which was probably true, but
this was just an assumption that I made. There would be times where he wouldn’t
reply for 4/5 hours because ‘he was really in to a game’. For me to then find
out a few weeks later he was with a ‘girl who’s a friend’. To then later find
out something had happened; being vague in what they are doing is a red flag.
N U M B E R T W O: Y O U F E E L L I K E A S E C R E T
If you have feel that your partner is ashamed of you because
you haven’t met their friends or family. I would take that as a red flag all depending
on your age. If your 17 or under, I wouldn’t worry so much about this one. But
if you are older, then this shows that he/she isn’t serious about you. If they
don’t feel proud to show you off and if you’ve told them how you felt about the
situation and they don’t say/do anything to make you feel better or to even
show that they care about how you feel, then trust me there isn’t much hope.
N U M B E R T H R E E: F A L S E P R O M I S E S
I found that most of my ex boyfriends would tell me what
they thought I wanted to hear but would have no intention to actually carry it
out. Promises such as ‘I’ll buy you that top for your birthday’ or ‘I’ll see
you after my holiday and we can go for a spa weekend.’ When you know they say
things they will never go through with; it shows a lack of care when people do
this constantly.
N U M B E R F O U R: P H O N E
I mean, when you saw the title of this post you must know it
would be on here, right? This is quite a tricky one because I am a private
person and I hate the idea of anyone using or even looking at my phone because
of the things I’ve got on there. However, when I would be with my ex’s I
noticed they would take their phone to the toilets a lot. (I mean how risky
would it be if you replied to girl number 2 whilst being in the same room as
your girlfriend?). Another thing is, I would happily scroll through Facebook or
twitter in front of them – but they couldn’t do the same (HOW EVEN RISKIER
WOULD IT BE IF GIRL No 2 POPPED UP WHILST ‘The GIRLFRIEND WAS LOOKING AT YOUR
PHONE?). There is privacy and then there’s being overly cautious.
N U M B E R F I V E: T H E E X
If they have previously cheated on past relationships
before, they will cheat again. Leopards do not change their spots. They’ve had
the mind set to do it before. They will do it again. They will probably try and
convince you that their ex was boring and that they don’t have the 'same chemistry
as you' guys. This is bullshit. Also, if they are still in contact with their ex’s
this is another big sign. Even though I’m at the stage where if I see one of my
ex’s whilst out I’d have a 2 minitue conversation with them, this certainly does
not mean I would text them every day and ‘meet up for coffee with them’. Ex’s
are your past, if they are still in your partners present – if they are still
speaking, there’s no need for it. It’s abnormal.
N U M B E R S I X: F O L L O W Y O U R I N S T I N C T S
I was so worried that being cheated on before made me more
paranoid than what I was. I didn’t trust that gut feeling I had when something
wasn’t quite right. It’s difficult to explain this but for some unknown reason
you don’t trust what your partner is saying to you. Trust your instincts. They
do not let you down, no matter how insecure you may feel. If something doesn’t
add up. Question it.
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